Recipe Box
A bell hooks-inspired self-care tool to erase your funk
I recently finished bell hooks’ Sisters of the Yam: Black Women and Self-Recovery. Although it was written over 30 years ago, I see my experience, especially my experience as a black woman who spends a lot of time near scientists and academia, reflected in her words. every thing changes, except for the way that the patriarchy, racism, and sexism collude to make us work harder and doubt ourselves!
In a chapter on reconnecting with sensuality, hooks shares a tool that I can see adapting in so many ways:
Black women are often more passionate in our rage and suffering than we are in our loving. The energy that we bring to situations that arouse hostility or pain can easily be redirected. We can tell ourselves daily to direct our most intense feeling to those areas of our lives that bring pleasure and delight. To achieve this end we need to write ourselves many recipes for tuning into healing erotic power and put them in a box so that when we see our energies going toward anger or suffering we can take a recipe from the box and follow it. When I am in pain or feeling sad, I am often unable to imagine what activities might create a shift in feeling. A box full of ideas can serve as a reminder.
Hell yes, bell. Let’s make our own recipe boxes!
Why it works
When you’re unholy pissed, in a puddle of sadness, [whatever your state of dysregulation], it is not the time to think of a way out of those states. Do your future self a favor and devise a way to get your power back while you’re feeling good.
You try
Make a *physical* recipe box for yourself or as a gift for someone else, as a resource for getting out of a funk. Make cards, each featuring a single activity. List any supplies or attitudes (e.g., bright optimism, heaps of sass) you need. Draw and follow a card to return to yourself.
Here are some recipe box themes to spark your imagination:
1 - Everyday Joys Recipe Box
Shelly from the Cozy Clarity Substack offers a mostly free list of simple joys. Her suggestion to rearrange furniture is a favorite. I adore moving a piece of furniture to a different room to give it new life.
2 - Activist Recipe Box
I could have used this since the new year. I swore I’d pace myself, but have been grieving about all that’s playing out in Minneapolis, and enraged after watching people give awards to bullies.
Pick a few important causes. Start local. Write your recipe cards to include practical ways to support for them.
Indivisible’s Practical Guide to Democracy on the Brink summarizes “what you, a regular person, can organize locally to do right now.” You can also look to suggestions from your local chapter.
Also, 80 great ideas here:
3 - No screens Recipe Box
Allyson at Fox Hollow’s Analog Toolkit has reminders of all that we’ve been doing without screens for millennia. I’m planning to use ideas from her list to create a recipe box for my tech-hungry tweens.
My ex also gifted our daughter Adam Ferguson’s The Things You Have to Do Before I Buy You a Phone for Christmas. That’s a recipe book on its own. One of the suggestions is to cook an entire meal from scratch for the family and clean up all of the dishes. Read the intro here.
I collaged a few cards for myself last night:
What recipes would your box include?
I love this idea! Seems fun / powerful to do with the kids. Also getting a copy of that “before I buy you a phone” book—brilliant.
Absolutely love this article—what an amazing concept! I had no idea this concept was a “thing” beforehand so I’m definitely going to be giving that a try now.
Thank you so much for mentioning my article, never did I think something I’ve written would get shared like this☺️